The Toe Story.............
Sorry to take so long getting back to it guys!
Bout 10 or so years ago my wife and me were killing a Saturday by hanging in some of my favorite bars. Long about dark we headed back home. She drove since she has about one drink to my 4 or 5. It was winter time and getting fairly cold so I told her that I was gonna go out to the back yard and chop enough wood for a fire in the fireplace. She told me to be careful. "Sure", I said.
So I grabbed my axe.....(a short handled one, not like the lumberjacks use on espn)....grabbed a beer and headed into the dark back yard. There were no lights near the pile of logs and I didn't bother to bring a flashlight. (You can see what's coming.)
After draining half my beer and making sure that the remainder was sitting safely without spilling I proceeded to grab the nearest log and prop it up on my chopping block. Well I split up about a half dozen or so logs and decided that "just one more" would be enough.
I put it on the block and swung. Missed the [dang] thing. I picked it up and swung again. Missed it again.....BUT the axe skipped off the side of the thing and went straight to the ground. Unfortunately it went to the ground where my right foot just happened to be. WHUNK!!!!!! OUCH!!!!
One little thing about me is that I love knives, axes, and pretty much anything with an edge on it. And I keep those edges pretty sharp.
Well it hurt but really not all that much......felt more like a hammer hitting my foot than anything else. But I realized that an axe hitting a foot can NEVER be a good thing so I left the firewood and returned to the house.
I opened the sliding door and went in......all the time looking around to determine the location of "the wife." When I got to the kitchen where I had good light I looked down. My tennis shoe (you just KNEW it wouldn't be a boot didn't you?) had a big split in it. I didn't, however, see any blood so I thought I maybe got off lucky and my evening of drinking wouldn't be interrupted by an annoying trip to the hospital.
I sat down on the floor and pulled the shoe off. The sock was also split.....I took it off.
My previously fine big toenail now had a big split right down the middle....and the split proceeded down my foot to the area between the big and second toe........the blood started coming pretty fast then. I even at that moment thought that maybe it wasn't tooooo bad until I examined the cut. It went INTO the foot.....and I mean deeply.
Well all thoughts of skipping the hospital trip pretty much ended then. I called out to my wife......"Hey Pat!" She answered...."What?"
I said "Remember you told me to be careful?" She said "Yeah?" I then said "Well I wasn't."
After I calmed her down off we went to the hospital. Walked in and was told by the receptionist to fill out the form....I told her that I was bleeding all over her floor. She took me in right away.
The doc looked at it and asked what happened. I told him. Then he asked the inevitable question...."Have you been drinking?"...........sheeeeeeeeesh.
He stitched me up without visibly laughing and back home we went. Then I really started drinking.
The pain arrived the next day........in full force.
To this day that toenail is still split and clipping it is somewhat of a challenge.
Next I'll tell you all about the bayonet....the nearly severed finger....the candle trick...and the missed trip with my buddies. It also involves blood and a hospital.