finally...

[Kodi]

The Toe Story.............

Sorry to take so long getting back to it guys!

Bout 10 or so years ago my wife and me were killing a Saturday by hanging in some of my favorite bars.  Long about dark we headed back home.  She drove since she has about one drink to my 4 or 5.  It was winter time and getting fairly cold so I told her that I was gonna go out to the back yard and chop enough wood for a fire in the fireplace.  She told me to be careful.  "Sure", I said.

So I grabbed my axe.....(a short handled one, not like the lumberjacks use on espn)....grabbed a beer and headed into the dark back yard.  There were no lights near the pile of logs and I didn't bother to bring a flashlight.  (You can see what's coming.)

After draining half my beer and making sure that the remainder was sitting safely without spilling I proceeded to grab the nearest log and prop it up on my chopping block.  Well I split up about a half dozen or so logs and decided that "just one more" would be enough.  

I put it on the block and swung.  Missed the [dang] thing.  I picked it up and swung again.  Missed it again.....BUT the axe skipped off the side of the thing and went straight to the ground.  Unfortunately it went to the ground where my right foot just happened to be.  WHUNK!!!!!!  OUCH!!!!

One little thing about me is that I love knives, axes, and pretty much anything with an edge on it.  And I keep those edges pretty sharp.

Well it hurt but really not all that much......felt more like a hammer hitting my foot than anything else.  But I realized that an axe hitting a foot can NEVER be a good thing so I left the firewood and returned to the house.

I opened the sliding door and went in......all the time looking around to determine the location of "the wife."  When I got to the kitchen where I had good light I looked down.  My tennis shoe (you just KNEW it wouldn't be a boot didn't you?) had a big split in it.  I didn't, however, see any blood so I thought I maybe got off lucky and my evening of drinking wouldn't be interrupted by an annoying trip to the hospital.  

I sat down on the floor and pulled the shoe off.  The sock was also split.....I took it off.  

My previously fine big toenail now had a big split right down the middle....and the split proceeded down my foot to the area between the big and second toe........the blood started coming pretty fast then.  I even at that moment thought that maybe it wasn't tooooo bad until I examined the cut.  It went INTO the foot.....and I mean deeply.

Well all thoughts of skipping the hospital trip pretty much ended then.  I called out to my wife......"Hey Pat!"  She answered...."What?"

I said "Remember you told me to be careful?"  She said "Yeah?"   I then said "Well I wasn't."

After I calmed her down off we went to the hospital.  Walked in and was told by the receptionist to fill out the form....I told her that I was bleeding all over her floor.  She took me in right away.

The doc looked at it and asked what happened.  I told him.  Then he asked the inevitable question...."Have you been drinking?"...........sheeeeeeeeesh.

He stitched me up without visibly laughing and back home we went.  Then I really started drinking.

The pain arrived the next day........in full force.

To this day that toenail is still split and clipping it is somewhat of a challenge.

Next I'll tell you all about the bayonet....the nearly severed finger....the candle trick...and the missed trip with my buddies.  It also involves blood and a hospital.

Stay tuned,
Kodi

[NJ Grasshopper]

Just goes to show hot stubborn we all can be sometimes.  

I won't contribute to the ....."hey, I can top that" ..... stories. Enough to say that I'll match scars on the body with anyone, anytime.  

(For example - A quick calculation of number of stitches I've had is in the neighborhood of 230+).  

Awwww - there I went and did the ....."hey, I can top that" ..... stuff.  

I guess it's a 'guy' thing!!!  

[Kodi]

NJ Grasshopper...........man 230 stitches!!  Wooo hoooo!  Ya got me beat in the stitch department brother.  I'm well under 100 and that includes an operation!

Can't say as I want to top ya either.  I do my best these days to avoid such things if I can.

I do love telling a good story tho'.  

Kodi

[eelfisher]

  grasshopper......

  kodi.....ouch!!  sounds like you were pretty numbed up! thats always a good thing  good to hear you didnt lose it.

  your next story sounds pretty wicked too!

[NJ Grasshopper]

Well eelfisher and Kodi ---- I will say this ...... most of my 'threads' were put in under anesthesia, (sp?)

A great 'LEGAL' high!! I just don't want to go through the surgery to get those drugs that feel soooooo good.

As a "colon cancer" survivor, I can tell ya ........ ya don't want to have to go through this stuff for the 'fun' of it. (Know what I mean??).

Enjoy your self and appreciate every day you have. Life is a good thing!!!!  Especially when ya got a good supply of the "blues and brews" in the summer time!

[Crabpop]

I cannot imagine, in any way, shape, or form, walking along a creek down south and putting my hand in a hole in the bank.  Saw a TV show several years ago where a fella was doing just that.  Seems this is how some folks catch snapping turtles.  A camera crew was following this guy on the opposite bank and, all of a sudden, he reaches into this hole just below the water level and says here's one.  He stuggles for a short time and pulls a big snapper out by its back leg and tosses it up on the bank.  Top shell was about as big as a serving plate!  A short interview with this guy followed and he said that 99% of the snappers enter the hole head first.  The guy doing the interview asked him about the other 1%.  At this point the guy holds up his left hand which had only a thumb, index and middle finger on it--the other two fingers and a portion of the hand adjacent  to where the fingers used to be were gone...he lost them to what he called a "bubba snapper" several years before that interview.  This is the kind of stuff that nightmares are made of...

[NJ Grasshopper]

O U C H !!!!

[Kodi]

Double ouch!!!  Snappers are for eating not grabbing.

NJ Grasshopper, sorry to hear about your illness but I'm extremely happy to hear that you're doing well now.  

You're definately right about being grateful for every day.

Kodi

[Kodi]

And now........."The Finger Story"

Back around 1983 I was single and living in a small apartment just north of Baltimore.  My first marriage had just ended and I was enjoying the single life.  (A year later I met the woman who is now my wife and she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.)

Anyway my roommate and me were hanging around the apartment and waiting for a couple of other guys to show up and we were all going to visit a place where the ladies dance and sometimes.......lose their clothing shall we say.

We were bored.....and drinking.

As previously said I have quite the fascination for knives and such and was sort of playing with this 18 inch bayonet that I owned......razor sharp of course.

On our coffee table there was a wine bottle that we had put a candle in with wax melted all over it.....I guess I thought that was cool or something.  I told my buddy..."Stan, I bet you that if we light that candle I can cut the wick off without touching the candle with one swipe of this bayonet."

Of course he said I couldn't.  (I'm also quite a fan of martial arts movies and stuff like that too....even though I''ve taken few lessons.)  Now I KNEW that I probably couldn't do it but what the heck....like I said we were bored.

He lit the candle and I steadied myself.  Took a swipe with the knife...........cut the wick as clean as you please. (Luck)

He told me that I couldn't do it again if I tried and I said I could.  He lit the candle again.

Now this time I knew that there would be no way that I could do it again so I thought I'd just use the chance to scare my buddy.  I figured I would even try to hit the wick and that I'd just aim for the neck of the bottle and shatter the thing.....thus scaring the heck out of my roommate.

It seemed like a good idea while I was thinking of it.

Now for those who are not familiar with bayonets they generally have a blade between 12 and 18 inches long and a handle that is just big enough for one hand....not two.  So I was gripping the handle with my right hand and putting my left hand over my right.  I took a might swing with the bayonet......and missed the whole darn bottle...no resistance but air.  

Seeing that my brilliant idea had failed I immediately released my grip with my left hand and let it drop...however the momentum of the heavy blade carried the blade on around....and smacked into the side of my left index finger.

It didn't hurt at all.

I looked down and saw a single drop of blood and thought [curd].........gotta get a bandaid.  I put the knife down and walked to the bathroom.

When I got there I reached for the medicine cabinet and looked at my finger again.  Well there was more than a single drop of blood....a heck of a lot more.  Blood was RUNNING out of that finger and I was looking into a wound that was almost halfway through the finger.

I reached for the towel on the wall and wrapped the finger to stop the blood.  I yelled to my buddy that he was gonna have to drive me to the hospital.  Then I looked at the towel on my hand and tried to remember the last time we had changed that towel..........I then figured I'd better use a clean one instead.

We then proceeded to the hospital.

Walked into the emergency room and the place was PACKED!  Musta been 30 or so people in there.  I told the nurse about the problem and that there was no way I was waiting for all of these people and that I could go to another hospital.  She said that I would be one of the first since I would need "micro surgery".....whatever that is.  I said fine.

I then told my buddy that he should go back to the apartment and wait on the guys and then they could drop my car off when they went to the place where the women dance.  He did.

This was about 8 pm.  I didn't get outta there til 2 am.  Missed the strippers......and never DID get to that place.

Went back home.  One of my other buddies said that the bathroom looked like something out of Helter Skelter.  Blood was everywhere.

The pain arrived the next day.

Kodi

[eelfisher]

   [dang],dude.  you're [Sam Hill] with them sharp blades, arent you?

  kinda reminds me of a clip i saw on that funny video show where some beanhead laid on a bench with a cucumber on his throat while some other dude proceded to chop it with a razor sharp sword! first couple chops were pretty impressive but the last chop went a little too deep  

  did you happen to see it?

  grasshopper,

  ahhh, yes. blues and brews.....nothing could be better, aye?  im glad to hear ya survived that cancer [shiz]. most everyone in my family died from one form or another of it, so i guess i will be facing it sooner or later

  crabpop

  interesting post. some people have no fear, do they? or maybe its brains im thinkin of!  hey- morepower to him. some things i do, other people would say is crazy!  to each his own.

[Kodi]

Eelfisher....

Yes I'm pretty tight with the blades....not too many rooms in my house where I don't have some.....too many movies I guess.....those stories ain't all but I don't wanna repeat myself too much.  I like guns too but so far I haven't hurt myself with them......thankfully!!!!!

No I didn't see the show with the sword and throat thing....anybody who lays down and lets someone else swing a sword at his throat, well I question that decision.

I have a WWII infantry issue Japanese Samurai sword by the way.  So far I haven't hurt myself with it.

Kodi

[eelfisher]

aw, man...guns too?

  tragic accident happened around the corner a couple years ago. these two best friends were partyin one nite and i guess one of them decided it would be cool to load a muzzleloader with cigarette butts and shoot at the other. well, those cigarette butts didnt bounce off him. penetrated and killed him. what a tragic accident.

[Kodi]

Yep, guns too.  Always liked them and I started hunting when I was 12.  I don't, however, play with them.  And they are never touched while drinking.

Gotta have some common sense.

Man, sorry to hear about the muzzle loader thing.  That is too bad.

Kodi